Friday, July 31, 2009

WTF PEOPLE!?! Flash Games

Hey, BootLeG sampler.. here, back with another installment of "WTF PEOPLE!?!" More ranting about the subtle tendencies of a majority that drives me completely insane... New to "WTF PEOPLE!?!", then check out the first post here.

Any cubicle working drone and seven year old pretty much by now knows what I'm talking about. Flash games, those little snippets of pointing and clicking to make an action and achieve an unbeatable high score that we're all seem to be addicted to whenever you think of gaming on the computer that isn't World of Warcraft. They're quick little bundles of joy for the moment we start to play them, then after 10 minutes or so, we start to realize how much time is truly wasted on these games. Granted it's time well wasted, but it is indeed wasted time regardless. It sounds good, it looks good, but is it really. In the grand scheme of gaming, is flash games really a great gaming medium or just another waste of space in the infinitely massive world wide web.

First things first, breaking down what is a flash game in as simplistic of a way as I can produce. It's a game that takes little or no effort and some simple programming skills to create; most likely consisting of activities that stay within a 800x600 resolution window where the objective is to click something to make something happen. This also might include the use of the following keys on a keyboard for special features: A,S,D,W, space, the arrow keys, as well as the top row of numbers on said keyboard. Simple enough right, well, that's all it takes nowadays to make a very cheap and mediocre game. But is it truly a game to gamer standards? I don't think so. A game has to be of some kind of playability on someones television or installed onto someones computer hard drive. that doesn't have to have an Internet connection to play it. This is the most generalized rule that I can possibly think of. Of course there's aways exceptions to the rule when it comes to games, but in the case of flash games, the rule is finite.

Now that we got the technicalities of flash games outta the way, let me talk about all the BS that is flash games. First off, they're every-friggin-where. I can't browse online anymore without seeing a banner ad for a flash game. They're like the cockroaches of the Internet, right up there with penis enlargement junk mails and YouTube. They can survive a nuclear holocaust and some radioactive person on the verge of dying will still be able to see "Chocolate Rain," WTF!?!

It's a friggin' epidemic on how many different sites out there has these things. And they all seem to fall under the same five different genres of flash games; shooter, puzzle, racing, RPG, or a hybrid of any of them. The games are short, usually featuring unlockables for advancement to other levels or upgrades, and tries your patience if you so happen to fail on accomplishing such. It tries to imitate some features of old school gaming such as the classic side scrolling flow of progress, simple sound effects, and even simpler controls until the more advanced levels come to kick you in the junk. This might sound like intriguing concepts, and it's because they are. If the developers and programmers that designed and produced such games didn't make them so effin' likable, then there would be no need to have them so other banner ads for other useless crap on the Internet can interrupt you while playing. They are literally interactive advertisements; and not like those banner ads where they're an object that replaces your cursor is something that give the illusion of interacting with it while in reality they're just waiting for you to click and spam you with adware, spyware, and all malware crap. It's the same principles as television programs, the main purpose of them is of being a delivery device for commercials.

Another thing about them is their addiction factor. It's an escape for anyone that works in a cubicle, a student during study hall, or any Joe Schmoe that want to waste time from between downloads and checking email. And part of that addiction is that they're friggin everywhere; from the most apply site name for flash games to even the bombardment of them on Facebook. I admit, I play some on my account, and I am quasi-addicted to it. But I don't consider them games for the above reasons. *famous last words coming up* I can quit when I want to, it's not a problem with me. I feel like they overwhelm what little else is there to do on the Internet that it's gone from funny to disturbing. It's time to take a queue from the boys in Mayberry, NC and nip it in the bud.

So finally, as I try to stifle myself from prolonging this rant any longer than necessary, flash games are in my opinion much like America's Funniest Home Videos. They're entertaining for the moment, but a marathon of hours among hours of watching some random guy get hit in the groin 50,000 different ways start to get a little dull.

BootLeG sampler.. signing out...

P.S. Tom Bergeron did AFV better than Bob Saget, but Bob is the funnier comic by far...

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