Gameshows pt. 4: Parting Gifts

We all know what the winner gets in the end of most gameshows, cash and luxurious prizes galore. It's the main reason why we want to be on gameshows and why we watch. We like to see the spoils of their efforts and take part in such. But as far as the also-rans, well, they get stuck with parting gifts. An atta-boy for participating and some lesser prizes. Now it could be like they do in Jeopardy! now and give $2,000 for second place and $1,000 for third or even better like with Wheel of Fortune and The Price is Right and keep what you won. But alas most gameshows don't follow that principle. Now I don't know if it's something contributed to production costs of the show, if the producers are just a bunch of cheap bastards, or they're really strapped for sponsorship and would want to have something, anything, to promote. But for as long as they're competitive gameshows, nine times out of ten there will be parting gifts. And what a better way to end GAMESHOW MONTH than to close with what they try to shove off for their losers. So without further ado, here's to parting gifts and all the blandness and atta-boys that they bring to the show. 

Now a big thing with most gameshows back in the day were the board game version of their show. It seemed that everyone of them had the home version of the show. Yeah, like the one thing I want to do after losing on the actual show was to go play and lose the same game at home. They really tried to make it worth the effort and it worked as advertising for them away from the television. Some of more successful ones were of course Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy!, but others try to make a valiant effort. Two of which that sticks out for me were Fun House and Double Dare. Of course if advertising to kids (which I was at the time), you're gonna win with just about anything. But man, were they such a letdown. I remember I was five and it was Christmas when I got Fun House as a present. I was thrilled because the show itself was a gameshow for kids and Fox Kids (when they did have stuff for kids back then) played the hell out of that show. It was kids, chaos, slime, and prizes galore; everything that would've make me have a shit-eating grin for days on end. This board game however, was the epitome of 180 degrees. It was cumbersome to setup, the pieces would easily break or get lost, the actual activities in the game sucked in comparison to the gameshow itself, the whole friggin thing was a waste of my parents money to buy me. At least Double Dare had Gak or whatever Nickelodeon called their slime. Don't get me wrong, it still sucked in comparison to the show and all the other gripes were just about the same for both games. Not a smooth translation of the show to cardboard and plastic. And it was that way for most gameshow adaptations. I think I remember playing Name That Tune the board game and it totally bombed unless you were big into the swing and big band era of the 40's and 50's. Not to mention trying to listen to someone trying to hum a song they have no idea how; or if they do their tempo and pitch are so off that it was basically a totally different song. Basically, gameshows-to-board games are a lose-lose combination. 

Now just as you thought that that was the pinnacle of vanity, they stepped into the digital era with videogames. I still have my copy of Jeopardy! for the NES and I pretty much played the hell out of that that I was the Ken Jennings of my console. But there are many more than just that for take home incarnations. I remember when your only choice for gameshow videogames were Jeopardy! and Wheel of Fortune (which were lame at best). As of the past decade or so it seems that every popular show had it's own game. Ranging from Price is Right to Millionaire to God knows what else. Hell, I got Don't Forget the Lyrics and The Price is Right app downloaded. It's just inevitable that they just seem to pop up in every medium. And I'm sure we all played a modified version of Jeopardy! in school for an interactive form of a study group. Or even when placing a bet with friends at one point someone might've used the term "Price is Right rules" to add a degree of not going over your wager. They just seem to be everywhere. The true parting gifts are that the fans take their favorite gameshow everywhere. 

But there were more than just the home game that were given to the losers. They received other useless crap like small appliances like phones, microwaves, or a lamp. Like they don't already have these. It's not even top of the line stuff too. It's stuff you might splurge on at Wal-Mart. Really, a damn cordless phone set for all my efforts trying?!? What really gets me is stuff they try to translate for monitory value like flowers once a month for a year or a $100 gift card for Home Depot or Applebee's. You can't buy me with power tools and tulips. It's just seems kinda cheap while others give out cash or their earnings the also-rans made in their efforts. All I want to know is that they should put more efforts in their parting gifts. Make it worth our while, at least $500 worth of stuff. Or hell, just cash. I don't need $1000 like Jeopardy! does now, $500 will work just fine. 

And that just about it for GAMESHOW MONTH. Normal ranting, randomness, and other bullshit will continue as normal next week. But as of now, I just want to leave you with one more tidbit, a parting gift for participating if you will. Because I'm such a Jeopardy! fanatic; next time you watch the Final Jeopardy! round, sing I'm a little tea pot with it. Yeah, who'd thunk that a moment of silence to write down an answer that could cost you thousands of dollars is related to a nursery rhyme. But for now, I'll think I'll stick with my Price is Right theme playing in my head... That, and Adam Sandler getting his ass handed to by Bob Barker...

BootLeG sampler.. signing out...

Gameshows pt. 3 Station Identification

Now how the hell am I not going to do a whole month of gameshow ranting and not mention Game Show Network? That's just about as off as James Earl Jones not being the voice of Darth Vader. It's just not natural. Anyways, GSN had gone though so many changes in the decade or so since I've been watching it that it hurts my head just thinking about it. But none the less the channel is still up and strong. So here's my ode to the reason my cable bill is higher than it should be. 

I first heard about the network in the late nineties when the ending credits would roll at the end of Wheel of Fortune and it peaked my interest then. Of course I was a teenager then and no say on what would my parents would subscribe to on cable outside of the occasional WWF Pay-Per-View event. Hell, even if I did have a say it wasn't available from my provider at the time. It wasn't until about 2002 is when I was on my own and found a cable company that did have it. And like a junkie it sucked me into it's addicting grasp. I was amazed of seeing some of my old favorites of my youth like Card Sharks, Let's Make A Deal, $100,000 Pyramid, and even some forgotten freshness like Press Your Luck and the all popular Match Game. It was a gameshow lovers nirvana at that point; and then it got even better. They had they're own original shows like Lingo, Russian Roulette, Friend or Foe, and even a remake of Press Your Luck (and it was a good remake too)! Then as time goes on, some execs like they always seem to do, turned a great thing and totally jacked it up. 

It was inevitable. It always seem to happen to good things. It's not proven law that it happens 100% of the time, but a good 80% is enough to piss me off when it's that many companies and organizations do that. And GSN is no exception. It first started by shortening the name of itself to GSN, which I thought was good. And then they stopped production of some of their originals like Russian Roulette, and Friend or Foe as well as scaling down the running of classics like Let's Make A Deal with showings of classic Family Feud and new Family Feud back to back. That pissed me off cause they were one of the reasons I would keep it on GSN 24/7. They also had it so you could play their games interactively online while the show is on for prizes if you signed up with GSN.com; which I liked. But when my shows went and left like I mentioned, so did that feature. UGH!?! That bites! And then, they try to introduce new shows, original shows. And, well, honestly I'm indifferent about that. Some were decent like High Stakes Poker and World Series of Blackjack (but that's another vise of mine we'll discuss). I likes the competitiveness of that and the strategic gameplay of it. But some were just, not. Their remake of The Newlywed Game and their own twist on The Dating Game, Baggage, is alright at best. They make attempts to make it hip and fresh but not to make them even remotely close to come up the censors radar. Don't they even know that some of the funniest shit is when they say the hell with the censors and let it fly. That's why there's YouTube. All I ask is if anyone can find a torrent of some of the cooler stuff I mentioned just hit me up on twitter or my email on the contact page. 

One more thing about GSN that wad good in my opinion, and I would've hoped they would've expanded on, was that they did specials if you could believe it. They actually had special presentations about things that were either a great anomaly in gameshows such as Big Bucks: The Press Your Luck scandal. That was the story of a man who was so obsessed with the show he studied the patterns of the board to maximize his winnings to a record-breaking $100,000+ for the show. Or the one they did as the in-depth history of Match Game. That went as far as cast interviews of how lucid and wild it wad to be on the set of Match Game and its feeble attempt to revamp it in the early 90's. Once again, I WANT TORRENTS OF THESE!!! They were fascinating since it combined two of my favorite things to watch, documentaries being the other. They also did a few others that I remember such as an ode to the career and life of Chuck Woolery and his accomplishments so far at that time and even an ultimate quiz show challenge where they pooled the top 16 winningest contestants in all quiz-based gameshows to see who's the best in the field of quiz shows. Obviously Ken Jennings won, but that's another topic. The point is that they should've expanded on these. I would've loved to see an ode to Bob Barker or even a retrospect on how Ken Jennings set himself as the seemingly unstoppable juggernaut of Jeopardy! champions. Or even a side by side comparison of Brad Rutter and Ken biding for the most winningest contestant in gameshow history. They could play it out like The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters did in their efforts to prove that Steve Wiebe is indeed the highest scorer on Donkey Kong. Or hell GSN, just show that!?! That's at least as competitive as high stakes poker and it deserves more than the attention G4 given it. 

Well, thats the end of my seemingly endless rant on GSN itself. If I continued at that pace we'd be here all night. But now it's time for me to seek what will week four bring for GAMESHOW MONTH. It'll be a doozy I assure you. Stay tuned.

BootLeG sampler.. signing out...

Gameshows pt. 2: The rant continues

I left off in the auspice of just describing the different type of gameshows, and not really getting into full on WTF PEOPLE!?! mode. Well, you're in luck this week. Here's my praises and multiple gripes on the state of the gameshow. 

Like I said, I love gameshows. They're highly addictive for the most part and it shows my prowess on how better I could be on a show versus the actual contestants (producers of Jeopardy!, listen up here). That and I'm a trivia junkie, full of useless knowledge. Well, some people might call it full of shit, but I'm calling it useless knowledge. And in that layout I would lay waste to any opposition in a game of logic, wits, lyrical prose, and general knowledge. There's just seem to be a very satisfying feeling to know that you're first to know something before your opponents. And shows like Jeopardy, Millionaire, and other incarnations of the such are my heroin. Hell, catch me at a bar during trivia night and I become the drunken master of the quiz bowl. 

But that's enough bragging about me (for now), there's always seem to be for every yin there's a yang. And for every shining star, they're a black hole of talent that somehow make it past auditions to the actual show. These people are the reasons Stupid Game Show Answers exist. These void of answers and skill I understand that maybe the producers selected to amuse the viewership, and for the most part they do. It jus that it pisses me off on how the hell do someone lacking so much common sense make it to the show and not me. Granted I don't apply for shows like Family Feud or Lingo and I don't make it a regular habit go be in the audience of The Price is Right, but for some dumbasses it seem all too easy. Just answer me this producers, why?!? Why the hell these people?!? I mean outside of viral videos on YouTube and the honorable (if you want to call it such) mention at the before-mentioned link wouldn't you avoid such calamity. It irks me to no end. 

So we'd discussed the good so far with my obsession over trivia and other useless facts; and we'd discussed the bad with the lack of cranial mass with dumbass contestants. Now we go on to the ugly. The commercials. Now I know that without commercials there would be no television shows free to watch on network television or our cable and satellite bills would be out-friggin-ragous in the bad sense of the term. But what the hell is it with almost every commercial about diabetes and term life insurance. The only time I really want to see Alex Trebek outside of Jeopardy! is on SNL, not about pennies a day insurance that I'm 20 years too young to participate for. I understand demographic and all but look at The Price is Right. The general commercials is about Depends, Metamucial, and the lady that fallen and can't get up. Now look at the contestants, young college students with a Happy Gilmore complex, Jarheads from Camp Pendelton, a Latino from East L.A., and the occasional Canadian. Now, does that sounds like anyone that those products are for. Well, maybe the Canadian (and I probably just pissed off some people with that one). But really, know your friggin audience. Know who are viewing and adjust is all I ask. That's not to say make every other commercial sponsored by onlinebootycall.com but to cater to something a little more pre-premenopausal. 

And that's it for now. Stay tuned for more exciting rants and the fabulous showcase, coming up on the second half of GAMESHOW MONTH!!! (Queue Price is Right theme music and the lovely ladies).

BootLeG sampler.. signing out...

WTF PEOPLE!?! Gameshows

Back to some of my vices that I just can't seem to shake. And this particular vice is so massive that one post isn't gonna cut it. This is GAMESHOW MONTH in full effect people. So sit back and let the over-obsessive ranting begin!!!

What is it about gameshows that draws our attention to them. How have we as a well cultured society even fathom having so many of them that we have a television network solely dedicated to it. (Then again we also have networks dedicated to soap operas, chick flicks, cartoons, food, as well as multiple networks for news, sports, and porn. But that's another discussion). Are we really that addicted to the idiot box for these things. Simple answer is yes, and here's my stance on them. 

Now just before we continue down this rabbit hole, I just want to say that I don't have anything against gameshows. I find them pretty damn entertaining. Some of my earliest memories is me watching The Price is Right with my babysitter while my parents were at work. Of course I was two years old then and very impressionable, so you could say that I started young. It was fascinating for me because of all the bright lights, loud noises, and all those flashy new prizes just begging to be won. It was like winning the lottery and scoring big in the casino all rolled into one because it was filmed for a national audience. But as I matured, so did gameshows, as well as my taste for them. 

From what I classify there are 3 types of gameshows. The quiz show, the showcase, and the cause and effect genres. Each one unique in it's delivery and all resulting to a win/lose outcome. The simplest of the three to go over is the quiz show. It's pure knowledge and logic based and it could range from general knowledge to wordsmithing to even specialized topics like pop culture and the like. A perfect example of this (and my personal favorite in this category) is Jeopardy! It a game of wits, smarts, and not just any Joe Schmoe can be a contender (anyone can be a contestant). You have to have logic enough to outsmart a computer and thumbs so blistered you'll make hardcore gamers envious. Others try to imitate it's formula for success like Lingo, Trivial Persuit, and even to go as far out as Who Wants to be a Millionaire. But hardly able to duplicate it's potential. Granted Jeopardy! wasn't the first quiz show made, others even stood ground for a while. But when you have self made celebrities like Ken Jennings that pretty much showed the common man that with a little effort and a lot of know how, the skies the limit. 

Now for a more humbling effort for a gameshow, the cause and effect type. This one rely more on what human reaction and interaction in the making of the outcome of the game. This is more present in games that either involve physical endurance such as Wipeout, Destroy Build Destroy, or Fear Factor; and those games that require partnership with a second person or a team like Lingo, Family Feud, or Win, Lose, or Draw. Both subtypes have similar variables such as it is unpredictable on what might happen outside of what is mandated in their rules and regulations. The excitement aspect of this genre is also it's downside, the reaction of their contestants in the constraints of the game rules. It works for some where in the case of Fear Factor where to win $50,000 you have to do stunts or eat exotic insects in a trial to be the last man standing. But on the flip side such as being partnered up with an illiterate dumbass that can't spell a five-letter word to save their live as is the case of Lingo or some wild off-the-wall answer you would get from (even worse) a family member like on Family Feud. Either way, it makes for great entertainment for the most part and draws the most people to it versus any other genre of gaming; contestant or viewer. 

And now we look into the showcase gameshow. It's pure and simple. Compete in individualized tests of knowledge or skill to win instead of cash, prizes; such as trips, appliances, or even vehicles. The most well known of gameshow that this references is The Price is Right; but it's not alone with the likes of Wheel of Fortune, Press Your Luck, Pyramid, and Family Game Night. They're all follow the same formula of compete for a chance to win big or go home. Once again a proven system and able to withstand the test of time given the right timeslot and network. But that's the fate of any gameshow. 

So that's my synopsis of gameshows in general. Tune in next week for a further look into gameshows and the commercials that are so damn awkward and yet so definitive to them. Happy Gameshow Month!

BootLeG sampler.. signing out...

P.S. Shotout to my friend Rob Mancini who works as a producer for Destroy Build Destroy, great job bro...

Comedy and the Internet

*Just on a personal note, yeah, I know I didn't post last week.  It happens sometimes, especially with celebrating my son's birthday (he finally hit the terrible two's), and well, other stuff as well.  Since I was busy with that, I figure I write up a post that might show a little insight on what makes me tick.  And what better way to to do that than a synopsis of when I'm at rest, calm and relaxed.  This is what I do when I'm away from all the hub-bub of the day-to-day from working and family life, enjoy.*

Oh how I love wasting time (and bandwidth) crawling to all my local haunts for a good laugh. We all do cause if we don't have the time to unwind we'll all go friggin nuts. It seems that nowadays to succeed in comedy on the Internet is more than just telling a good joke, it needs to be visually appealing. After all, it is an escape from the doldrums of the mundane. It could be as simple as some stupid CG or a clip on what they're referencing to as extravagant as a full-on onslaught of a performance. It's dependent on whom is presenting. And for internetphyls like myself, it's a great wealth of hilarity. And I'm not just talking about fails, I'm talking about those who on whatever periodic basis shell out the laughs for us. Now I'll try to stay off the whole YouTube thing because that's just a pool of stuff, I'll stick to stuff that is directed to a self hosted site if possible and barrage with a crap-ton of links to them if you might not already frequent. So here's my synopsis on the state of the funny shit that keeps me coming back for more. 

The first on this rant is Cinemassare. James Rolfe and Mike Matai seem to just shell out interesting stuff everyday. Sometimes two or three times a day. And with my schedule they're feed is a godsend cause sometimes I might miss out on something and it'll be two or three days before I get to it. Most noteable for their Angry Video Game Nerd videos, oddly enough that's not what brought me to them all so many years ago. It was a YouTube clip in reference to one of their earlier "You Know What's Bullshit?" skits back in 2007. Followed the URL at the end of the credits and it's was like a drug, I was hooked. Found other stuff they kept on adding and I'm glad to see it grow as a phenomenon it has become. That, and it doesn't help that I had a soft spot for anything from Philly. And it seems like most juggernauts, it broke ground for other Internet haunts of mine such as ScrewAttack and That Guy With The Glasses (which I also frequent) and all others from association of them. Everything they touch is pure gold. Just spread a little of that love over to BootLeG is all I ask James. 

Another good waste of time is The Oatmeal. In the realm of webcomics they are Penny Arcade meets Far Side with a little bit of Office Space thrown into the mix. It's not about gaming or other nerdy stuff (ok, they're nerdy stuff) but it's mainly a satiric look on people that are web-smart to aide those that aren't. And cats, some sort of weird fixation about cats, and other animals. (Note to self, don't ever move to Seattle). It's a breath a humor and fresh air after a long days work that someone just chalked up all the funny and fucked up crap in a day and put it on a panel or two of "well, it could've been worse..." And now I feel like punching a dolphin.

Another occasional place to browse is clean comic Tim Hawkins. This guy is living proof that you don't have to be foul to be funny. A lot of us could learn from him, especially me. He's essentially the anti-Bob Saget, not that there's anything wrong about Bob Saget but you can only hear him talk about sticking his pinky up Kimmy Gibler's butt so many times. Tim offers a rare brand of comedy that once dominated the scene and it's only overshadowed by the charisma he put into his act. He's mainly on YouTube but his latest videos and all of his music videos are on his site and are worth watching over and over. I even go as far as buying the DVDs for all the stuff that he didn't put up on the Internet to view. You'll thank me later I'm sure. 

Now as a gamer, you would think that I would look for all my gaming news on G4 or IGN. Nope, although I do follow IGN on my Facebook; but all things gaming my first destination would be to ScrewAttack 99% of the time. This is a great example of what a group of people that are passionate (and nerdy) can accomplish if given the opportunity. Daily there's stuff added on that is related to the gaming industry in a witty and often comedic stance. Keeping to short media clips of news, reviews, and other random stuff to keep you coming back for more. And as an added bonus, they recognize that they wouldn't be where they are if it wasn't for the fans that log on everyday. They even let their subscribers (it's free to sign up BTW) submit user created content and even profile some of the best weekly for all to gawk at. It literally wreaks of awesomeness. You've might've noticed me talk or referenced them a few times on the blog. So give them a shot if you haven't already. 

One final site that I frequent is That Guy With The Glasses and pretty much anything affiliated with Channel Awesome. This think tank of, well, awesomeness, is a cornucopia of all geeky, funny, and WTF. Doug Walker and his many personas like The Nostalgia Critic and Chester A. Bum headlines the brood of chaos and hilarity that is shelled daily and the various contributors such as Spoony, The Game Heroes, The Nostalgia Chick, Benzie, Angry Joe, Linkara, MarzGurl, and a whole lot of others that would take forever and a day to go though. It's a helluva site to check out to see all the content that is produced. Like I said, some of these I probably wouldn't have known if they weren't referred from other sites like Cinemassare so I hope that this is an opportunity for me to pay it forward. 

Also just as a notable mention, you should check out Stupid Game Show Answers. Even though it's not updated on a regular basis, it's still full of gems and other coolness. That and we all know my addition to gameshows. But as of now I'm gonna get the hell off of this and go to another place of humor and stupidity, as if my blog isn't full of that already. 

BootLeg sampler.. signing out...

*No dolphins were harmed during the creation of this blog post.*

Technology Overload

I just have one question before I start here people... Where's the finish line?!? Where is the end of technological advancements? Are we just gonna keep go on surpassing science fictional properties of what was until we make all those thing and finally catch up to The Jetsons?!? Ok, so that was three questions, but it's all relative. There is no stopping this juggernaut. But in doing such are we negating the old school purists as well as assuming that everyone knows and understand enough to adapt, or is technological evolution going to be the de facto of our existence. Here's my beef on the situation. 

In most of my professional work career I've dealt with helping people in a technical level; everything from computers to the Internet to so much other stuff to recall. This isn't a résumé for me bragging, I can do that without a résumé. This is more of a double-edged sword in most cases. It's a gift that I use to understand and help people that don't; but it's also a curse in that when people don't want to learn for themselves or abuse my good nature for their own gain. I feel that as technology evolves, my symbiotic relationship grows more so. And that double-edged sword just keeps impaling me while I slay the obstacle that is in my way. It almost makes me wish for simpler times. Times where there wasn't so much confusion in technology. Just so people could understand shit and not leech on the nerdy on something as simple as finding a button to click on or why it's so hard to type something verbatim in front of them. 

Let's take on something light, like the setup of a new television. Before it used to be as simple as unboxing it plug it in and whether you had cable you screwed on the coaxial cable or if you had an antenna connection adjust the rabbit ears. Maybe you had a Nintendo and would have to connect an AV cable to it and thanked God if the TV had stereo. Fast forward to today's modern technology. You get your TV, you immediately want to hook it up to everything in your county. Set it up to your surround sound, your game consoles, your HD cable or satellite, connect wifi to your Internet, position it for the most optimal viewing point for 3-D viewing, all in the fear that you might run out of HDMI ports to plug shit into. For someone like me that's entertainment euphoria, for others it's a claustrophobic clusterfuck of cables and tweaking of settings for multiple devices. And the difference between old and new, not much. 

Another example, and probably the most appropriate for this post, just about anything that is computer related. Even back in the day when they were the shit to own and even cooler if you knew how to use one, the Apple II and the Commodore 64 were PC titans among all others. (By the way, just to say that the new iMac and the revamp of the Commodore 64 looks pretty sweet, nothing productive to the post but I had to mention it. It's the nerd in me.) Nowadays, they can't even light a candle to a $.99 app on today's phones. Some people just never learned to adapt and overcome from command lines and all of the archaic crap that those things presented then that they've grown, developed, and passed on a fear to all things gigabytes. If it involves a username and password it's total Greek to them, even after ten minutes after they created it. If it involves finding something in a folder that they didn't create a shortcut for it in their desktop, it might as well never existed. And God help the poor computer tech that come to their aide if they think they have a virus or any other malware on their machine. If they don't bash their machines (or their clients) with a sledgehammer in a fit of frustration or rage, they should be nominated for sainthood. But I've dove into these waters with a previous WTF for those whom need a refresher. Although most people whom I helped said that I have the patience of Job; most people either don't know me very well or just said that instead of me having more restraint than Hannibal Lector's muzzle. 

The point to all this is that we as a civilization haven't grown from the era of the flashing 12:00 on our VCR's. It's a pretty damn sad state of affairs. I just have to ask why?!? Why in my 29 years of living haven't we gone past this? Is it laziness or are we to daft to adapt and overcome such adversity of the old saying "teaching a old dog new tricks". Honestly if I think about it more so I'll go mad. It's deafeningly insane that remedial stuff such as the right plug for something, or pushing a button strikes such a high level of danger that a bomb squad is needed to diffuse their worrying. 

The fact of the matter is, no matter how simple something might be in the whole schema of the technological spectrum, there will always be the techno-sensei's that are out there helping no matter how remedial or mundane something might be. And if you could turn a profit out of it, that's aces in my book. Now I'm not gonna say that I know everything, but from what I do know, I can hang pretty damn well. (Okay, that last part was a little résumé-ish, but screw it... it's my blog...)

BootLeG sampler.. signing out...

Vending Machines

They're are few mundane things that really sets me ablaze. One of those things are vending machines. At times they're the greatest thing to have ever graced a break room or any other waiting vestibule, and at others their the bane of our existence and dollar bills. 

You know when you glance by one and you see all of those goodies that it offering you and it lures you to who out your wallet and spend spend spend... It entices you with their ice cold beverages and the high calorie, high carb, low nutrition candies and pastries, and yet, that's THE NORMAL STUFF!!! It's the other crap they put in that to the machines that are off the wall. Let's take a stroll along the off the wall weirdness that is vending machines. 

One thing I've noticed is the tender machines take. When the hell would someone break a $20 for a Twix bar?!? It used to be if you didn't have change you were screwed. Don't get me wrong, I love that little bit of convenience that they implemented into them. Since the introduction of the dollar feeder I was impressed. Now a days you can get a Pepsi by coins, bills, credit card, thumbprints and retina scan, hell, even telepathic inception so I can think it as soon as I get there and debit my account... It seems that no matter how you want to pay for it, they got you covered.

Now that we covered how to pay, lets get into what we're paying for. When you usually think of vending machine goods we think of a candy bar or can of soda. Normally that's all good, maybe the occasional bag of chips or an ice cream bar. But from what I'm seeing is that vending machines are automated quickie-marts. They house everything from gum, to aspirin, to 5-hour Energy, to diapers and wipes, to just about everything. Whatever happened to being the weirdest thing to buy from a machine was condoms, tampons, and cigarettes; and those were in bars, not in the front entrance of a mall. I just don't know when did we get so inept to needing such things at a moments notice that we need to have it along with our Butterfinger?!?

Speaking of Butterfinger, who the hell are these people that fills these machines. Just about everywhere I see them they put the inconvenient of snacks in these things. Why do you put something as fragile as Butterfinger or a bag of chips at the TOP OF THE MENU!?! I know that it probably don't apply to chips much, even though I hate half the bag being crumbs, but Butterfinger of all things? It's broken in half half of the time when I buy it at the grocery store, why take a potential good one and set it to fail from the top row?!? That irks the crap out of me. It's just as bad as when they put in sweet, beautiful looking pastries and smash the creme filling right out of it making a danish look like a drive-by Gingerbread Man massacre. (BTW, if you haven't played Texting of The Bread yet, try it, it's friggin' awesome.)  About the only "food" that can survive the vending machine gauntlet are gummies. Anything gummy is just about bulletproof from the tight quarters of it's screw-fed housing to the seemingly forever free fall from where it's placed within the machine. 

Like I said from the beginning this isn't a rant to discredit vending machines, they're actually a pretty damn good thing, just not a great thing. It definitely made some advancements since the old "exact change only, pull the lever and peanut butter crackers come out" (I still wonder if my old barber still have that machine), but it cod still improve on some things. If anyone of you out there reading this a vending machine engineer, just take note on what I've discussed. Or at least if your a vender, make an effort to not commit Butterfinger genocide. That really pisses me off. 

BootLeG sampler.. signing out...

(Seemingly) No More Originality in Gaming

It would be a misnomer if I said that there haven't been any kind of originality in videogames in this current generations of consoles because they're have been some diamonds in the rough. But as for the vast majority, it's pretty damn obvious that most things are a rehash of the same damn game from last gen.

I mean, if you look at games within the past decade (that's this generation and last generation of consoles) the only thing that has vastly improved was graphics. That's a pretty big obvious with everything and your grandma is on 1080p. But graphics can only carry a game so far. There has to be gameplay that separates that from its competition and the overall experience should be unique. There been innovators yeah, I'm not shitting on their parade, this is for those whom harp on a dead horse well past it's original novelty. And the worst offenders are at times the originators themselves. I'll get more on that later. Lets start on what I think is a major player in this; first-person shooters and the blandness that they crap out day in and day out. 

It used to be that gamers were those who escaped into a world of fantasy and lure. Now it's appears to trend to gung-ho, frat-boy, meat heads who couldn't give two shits about where a game takes them as long as it makes them feel more like a man while they're blowing the crap out of zombies, terrorists, aliens, or any other moving target programmers could think of that would look good when it goes BOOM!!! And I'll admit I was caught up at one point when Counterstrike came out way back when, but I was enlisted during that time. I matured since then. And it wasn't the only thing I was playing (or doing) at the time. But it seems that it's was only yesterday that Call of Modern Warfare 15: Black Ops Opus with it's Sector Seven DLC which added on 40% more sand and brown crap and insta-nuke capabilities and it's being outshun by that Master Iron Chef that blows up aliens with their intergalactic insta-nuke. Don't anybody else see that it's the same damn game?!? It's friggin ridiculous what leaps and bounds his tripe keeps coming into peoples living rooms. I don't understand it, I don't believe it, I'm through with it. It's crap. Please, get me off this hell genre and on to the next fail before I die of a brain aneurism then get shot by an asshole meathead. 

Let's tackle something more my alley, rhythm games. When did these fuckin newbs think they get off thinking they're rock stars because they waste four months of their lives trying to finish Dragonforce and then declare themselves kings of rock? Pick up a real guitar and do that I tell them and do it, then I'll might consider you alright. Tapping on a toggle and frisbees with chopsticks don't make you a bad ass either. I swear it's like an electronic Dummies manual for those that walk a friggin straight line. Now I'll give credit with that game that's supposed to have an actual six-string as a controller, but if it's just a piece of shit novelty like the toy guitars I give my sons if they're good at K-Mart, than I'll let that be the last straw that kills this. Honestly, WE'RE RIPPING OFF OF SIMON!!! Who doesn't see this crap. I mean to advance as far as to adapt a memory version of Solitaire from the 70's?!? Im disgusted. It's just about as bad as those paper guitars... So lame...

As for public videogame enemy number three, the crapshoot goes to those that continue to shell out the same damn game but under a different title. The worst of the worst is sport games such as Madden, the 2K franchise, and NASCAR. Madden in my opinion haven't changed or even evolved since 2001 and in my opinion stopped giving a shit singe they've became the NFL videogame monopoly. That alone pisses me off cutting down some of the other variety to such a great alternative to the actual sport. I mean Blitz was a great variant much like NBA JAM did for basketball in the arcades. But now were left with mediocrity and lameness. Speaking of lameness, the 2K series of games are just that. Just a newer variant of what was originally perfected from the Dreamcast era of gaming. It was a golden nugget of gaming then, now it's just a nugget of feces where the only gold you can see is the corn I ate last night. Of course that could be my bias since I was a hardcore Dreamcast fanatic (still am), but hey, it's my blog. I fan be as bias as whatever the hell I want. And then of all the sporting games there's NASCAR (yes it is a sport). It's no Need For Speed or GTA, it's just turning left for hours on end and timing pits at the right time. It's just boring as a game. Doing it in real life is friggin exciting, but on a plastic steering wheel on your lap, hell no. Sport games are and will always be lame cause its meant to be PLAYED, not SIMULATED!!! And no, online poker is not a sport because it's not on ESPN, just real people playing with other real people.

But that's my grief in gaming for the moment. Next time I come back to talk about gaming, I'll bring up some goodness to talk about. Because let's face it, videogames are meant to be fun and enjoyable. Then again, it's also fun to bash on something that is in dire need to be put in it's place.

BootLeG sampler.. signing out...

Oh, and just to be fair, RPGs are all in the same damn mix too.  Don't believe me, here's a flow chart that proves me right.

All of Live's Best Laid Plans

I sometime don't know what stuff I try to get myself into at times. I try to start up something (this blog for instance,) and when other things in life takes priority or if there is a sudden change of lifestyle, crap starts to hit the fan.

During the past few months I've been trying to do other things on the side. And when I mean on the side, I mean other stuff outside of my family, work, and this blog. One of which was another project with a friend of mine to review all things that makes us tick. We were going to put on a weekly commentary on weird shit from the Generation-X one off made for TV movie to the correlation of all the different gameshows that are on air or previously were. Needless to say, it's still haven't made the light of day and I still want to try it sometime. The thing is I have no time. Literally the way we have our schedules are so out of wack it's not even funny. It sucks, because I really thought that it would take off on the shear originality and randomnisity of it all. But alas, I suppose it was just never meant to be.

Another thing that came to my attention in recent weeks is that I was 'invited' to be part of a band that some of my co-workers wanted my talents for. They found out I've played bass (albeit I no longer have them) and they were in need of a bassist. I know, I know, that would've been sweet, but how are you gonna play without a bass. Two kickers here people. Number one, they had a bass for me to play and were willing to let me use it while playing. Number two, we have the same days off and the lieu of a schedule mishap was throw out of the window. The only problem is, there's no communication on when the practice is so for the past three weeks, there hasn't been jack on any practice time so yet another thing thrown out the window.

I mean, c'mon man... I just don't get it. It's hard enough to try to keep up with this (and trust me I am going to try to keep up on this more,) but to add on more crap to the picture?!? It's just insanity in my picture.

So this is my rant on some of the things (not all of them) that what I've been trying to do beyond all the other things I'm already doing, and the lack of time and/or communication on trying to get it done. The burden of trying to spread myself too thin. Don't get me wrong I'm great at multitasking, but when it requires a near act of God to try to get things moving... It's pretty damn hard. Yeah, why couldn't I've just said that in the beginning and it would've saved me some time and headache: 'it's pretty damn hard.'

Simplicity is bliss...

BootLeG sampler.. signing out...