Wednesday, January 20, 2010

WTF People!?! Muzak

I like music. Most kinds actually, my palette is really broad. But there’s just something about this genre that just rubs me the wrong way; muzak. Ok, in my opinion it’s the poor-man’s excuse of music sampling, and it’s really not just a genre than it’s a company, but let’s use the generic urban dictionary version of it for right now. In two words: it’s crap. In more than two words: well that’s why you’re still reading I hope…

It’s like it was only an epidemic in doctors offices and waiting rooms, but it’s everywhere now. I was shopping at Albertson’s with the wifie a while back and it hit me. This muzak isn’t like the others. It’s actual music (good news), but it was crappy music (bad news). I don’t do that top 40 stuff because honestly I hear that Sarah McLachlan “Angel” song way too much with that ASPCA commercial on Animal Planet and my father-in-law’s fandemonium over Celine Dion (not to say that I don’t respect the man, I do, but Celine Dion?!? (I don’t question it for good reason ;P )) It’s just not my cup of tea. As a kid I grew up with rap, funk, and oldies, as an adolescent I listened to rock, and now that I’m more mature (and thanks to the wifie) I do country and gospel music. Nowhere does that take into account of the B101 tripe that there is.

And it’s not just in the grocery stores, but it’s EVERY-FRIGGIN-WHERE!!! K-Mart (cause I’m black), fast food eateries where you dine in, and the unholy ground of hold music. Oh Lord, please help me, why hold music. Isn’t torture that I had to call the damn number, I have to listen to Rod friggin’ Stewart?!? It’s nails on the chalkboard; NAILS ON THE CHALKBOARD!!!

And I don’t know about you, but I think Toby Keith said it best: I ain’t as good as I once was // but I’m as good once, as I ever was. And man is that how I felt after my most recent trip to the mall. Which sucks because back in my day (I can see my hairs going gray as I’m writing) I used to be a mallrat. Every Friday I go to the mall and drop my paycheck in all sorts of crap that I probably didn’t need or could find for less. Nowadays, the mall is Greek to me. I feel like I’m the outsider looking in. Once something that was a part of me as the back of my hand is now like a wart that has been surgically lanced off. Ok, sorry about the disturbing picture there, but as always, I shoot from the hip.

Mainly what I’m ranting about is my recent experience in the food court. When the hell did they put music in the mall common areas, especially the food court. It’s supposed to be a quiet little nook where you can just eat and talk, and maybe eavesdrop at someone else’s conversation. Now, I couldn’t even here myself think. With their Disney-techno-teenybobber-bullshit they call music blaring out in the PA system over the eating area. (SARCASM WARNING me trying to speak about 4 octaves higher than normal): ”OMG, it’s like I couldn’t even keep my food in my mouth… like WTF!?!” Is that’s clear enough for your Jonas lovin’, overplayed payola song lovin’, brainwashed, tasteless emo bastards!!! At that point, I’m practically begging for some muzac to play… Seriously, I think that’s the reason why Apple made the iPod; because they foreseen this crap a-comin’.

So, that’s my rant; and I think a well deserved first WTF People!?! for the year. It’s been a long time coming for a WTF, and I hope that I can crank more of them in 2010 knockin’ them outta the park. So, I leave you with this… Keep a good song in your head, because you never know when some crappy song gonna replace what you already have playing. Unless it’s this…

BootLeG sampler.. signing out…

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