Showing posts with label satire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label satire. Show all posts

Saturday, December 12, 2009

I Am Gamer (Epilogue)

I almost didn't think I make it to my epilogue with my sanity trying to write this on the fly. Just wanting to give a brief (and I use that term lightly) explanation of various gamers. Sure it was mainly opinionated, but, that's what my blogs are mostly, just me shootin' the shit about whatever comes to my mind at that moment. The hard part was just the gathering of thoughts in a way that someone other than myself could understand it.
So in retrospect, I just wanted to say that there are a plethora of gamers among us. From big time non-stop gamers to those that couldn't care less if their console was collecting dust or not. I just wanted to recognize some of them (or as much as I could think of off the top of my head). Now I know that I missed out on some different variants of gamers even as I'm writing this post such as competitive gamers, videogame journalists, and well, other stuff... (can't ya tell that I'm still writing on the fly here :P...) But gamers are gamers. Even if they don't play but the one time, they're gamers. And I just wanted to created some sort of unity between all types of gamers so that... Ahh, who the hell am I kiddin', I just wanted to bitch about somethin' that's been on my chest for a while in a constructive fashion. And the fact that I got away with it, kudos. I just hope that you all had fun and not get to pissed off at me about bashing gamers and non-gamers.
So to paraphrase AC/DC :: To those about to frag, we salute you...


BootLeG sampler.. signing out...
(Holy crap, a short post for once... :P)

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

I Am Gamer pt IV (The Non-Gamer)

Okay, so at this point of my exploration of different types of gamers, I'm getting to the part where I'm winding down to scrape the last bit of the gamer population in and make some use for them.  I am talking about a non-gamer.  And quite frankly, I don't know what to actually say about them.  It's almost like the feeling that after working on a manure pasture that you come home and step in dog shit in the front yard.  It's almost pointless, and the keyword for that is almost.  We shouldn't alienate them just cause they don't play, or play as regularly as other gamers.  We need to give them credit for at least trying and playing games on their own level.  So I'm gonna try my damndest to find some sort of degree of gaming to those 'non-gamers' and make them feel welcomed to the gaming community; as well as poke fun to them because I'm an asshole like that.
 
Non-gamers are a unique breed.  They're likely to not play or play extremely rarely just out of curiosity.  And it's not the fact that they don't play, it's just that what they do play aren't really considered videogames.  In fact, it's probably best for me to link the graph here again just for a refresher to show you the differences between a gamer (in general) and a non-gamer.  Now with that brief explanation said and done, let's get a little deeper into this and break down some of the various degrees of separation of non-gamers, and hopefully in the process not piss off more people than from previous attempts...
 
  • The Gateway Gamer :: They're like the closest to becoming a casual gamer than any other archetype of non-gamer.  Simple videogames such as old school platformers and even the occasional rhythm based game could turn them on to a new addiction.  They could have been an intense gamer until something happened and they might have the urge to fall off their videogame sobriety wagon to get back into gaming.  Another scenario would be that they could quit gaming at any time and not pick up a controller for months at a time prior to getting back in the habit.  And just because I'm an inhibitor of bad habits, they would probably like this read to get them in their gaming fix.
  • The Can't Hold a Controller Worth A Damn Gamer :: These guys are usually those that give up gaming cause they suck.  Sure they might try to pick it up again, but once they get into a button-mashing state and fail miserably, they're the first to throw their Wiimotes to the TV not by accident, but by pure rage.  Their better off playing chess in Central Park against some old blind fart in my opinion that playing a videogame.
  • The Solitaire Player :: We all know this person.  The guy that just bought this super kickass computer with Windows 7 Ultimate-Super-Kamehameha Edition Service Pack 8000 and all they do is play Solitaire or Minesweeper.  ARE YOU FUCKIN' KIDDING ME!?!  SOLITAIRE AND MINESWEEPER!?!  Dammit man, do something, install a piece of shit game from the $5 bin at Staples or run a torrent and download something, anything... Just, just... *MIND EXPOSES FROM EPIC WTF-NESS!!!*  Yeah, I don't get it either...
  • The Flash Gamer :: These people are the ones that either go to Facebook not to network and catch up with friends and family but play their apps; buy an iPhone only for playing their apps; or go onto the various flash game intensive sites to play, well, flash games.  I must note that flash games are not real games.  They're time wasters and commercial producers.  If you game on these exclusively, you're lame.  :P
  • The Too Good for Videogames Gamer ::  This is the guy that has so much on their fuckin' plate as far as work, family, and/or other activities that they can't even be near the presence of a console.  Not that there's anything wrong with that, but when you're trying to be a poser and pick up a controller, it can be misleading as you being a closet gamer.  (Damn, I knew I forgot to add something from my prior post.)  But really, it's just them trying to network somehow to whomever they're playing with to hookup some other way in a different activity.  So to put it plain and simply put, they use it as a business meeting or a family reunion tool.  Lame.
  • Amish People ::  Well, duh!?!  (I just pissed off the Amish Community)  But primarily this is in regard to those that has little to do with anything electronics, nonetheless videogames.  They consist of those that might be too busy with other things such as going out and enjoying life, or doing other things in their leisure time such as reading a book or other things you see on probably those arts and crafts shows on PBS.  (BTW, Bob Ross is still the man!)
 
 
 And that as they say is that.  It's not that I discriminate on gamers and non-gamers and that everything here is black and white.  It's just that there is a lot of gray area that goes unnoticed.  And I like to expose as much of that as I can while instilling a level of being a smartass into the mix.  Simple, yet complex; much like gaming in general.  So, who's up for a game of Tetris?!?
 
BootLeG sampler.. signing out...

Saturday, December 5, 2009

I Am Gamer pt III (The Casual Gamer)

So I don't know if you've read my previous two posts in my I Am Gamer synopsis, but here's a quick rundown in cause you were too lazy to click the links.  This series is about the different degrees between gamers.  In my last post of I Am Gamer, I looked at the wide world of hardcore gamers. This time around I'm talking about the casual gamer.
 
The casual gamer is pretty much in my opinion the general marketed public that most developers try to reach to spend millions of dollars for mostly crap games.  Sure there are some gems out there like Little Big Planet, New Super Mario Bros. Wii, and Wii Sports Resort, but mostly it's crap.  These gamers aren't nearly as intense in gaming as hardcore gamers and usually tend to stay towards popular franchises such as Madden or Street Fighter when the next big game of that franchise comes out.  Hey I don't blame them, they're the ones that account for practically just as much sales for games as hardcore gamers, it's just that what they show for in games are different.  While the hardcore gamer gets a game cause it's shit-hot or it's a collectible (I still have my original FFVII with case for the PSone as well as the Greatest Hits version and a bootleg copy of it for the PC), they buy games either for the cheap or rent them from Blockbuster or Gamefly.  Just cause someone has a crapload of games to show how much of a gamer they are, doesn't mean that the other guy had spent just as much, if not more on games in their time as well.  We just can't rely on sales to own anymore.  Also, just having a plethora of $60 titles won't keep the business afloat, we need those casual gamers to buy, rent, and also use and abuse the DLC and original titles that can be downloaded to their consoles for a few bucks at a time to keep up the flow of money.  And we as gamers don't want another 1983 again, don't we!?!
 
But back to the disection of a casual gamer.  Just like last time, there's different degrees of what a casual gamer is and they can be a different mixture of at least the following ::
  • The Glancers :: This kind of gamer that know of a popular title, might have even played a videogame or two, but just enough in the loop to know what other gamers are talking about.  They could hang with those that can post in forums about in-depth gameplay, but once they're asked for their opinion on something about a game, they're just about as lame as a turd in the middle of a manure field.
  • The Wii fanatic :: These are the people that are only into the fad of gaming.  And since Nintendo is indeed the godfather of modern console gaming, everyone knows that this little white box is the shit.  First to come out with motion controllers that are completely functional versus others that I've mentioned in a previous blog, and the novelty of owning the Wii with it being bundled with WiiSports making the game the best selling videogame title, it's not much of a hard sell.  People love the Wii.  Hell, I love my Wii and I'm not afraid to admit it.
  • Old People :: It's pretty strange to see that more and more older adults playing videogams now than before.  Definately the 40+ clique is wanting to break into games, but less than those that are more serious.  Also with old people playing more actively with such sport games for the Wii and various puzzle games for the DS and PSP they're finding a youthfulness in them that has seem to been dormant since the dawn of the first Pong cabinet.  I just find it weird that my 60-something year old father in law is actively playing his DS more than me.  PRETTY FRICKIN' WEIRD I TELLS YA...
  • Nostalgics :: Those are the ones that can't get rid of their consoles of yore.  They are the collectors and the supreme nerd of old school gaming.  They refuse to shop the Virtual Console for titles that they can just get with a little more effort in a cartridge that they have to blow the shit out of to make it work on their NES.
  • The in-the-knows :: Those guys are the ones that read up on everything, might even be able to hang with someone talking about the game, but when it comes to playing, they either epically suck or never touched a controller in their freakin' lives.  They might be labeled as posers and even evolve to some people that claim to be gamers but are not truly gamers as their fans suspect.
I personally like to call myself the middle ground between casual and hardcore gamer.  I rent a lot of the titles I play.  I'm also an old school gamer and try to play the old console titles themselves as much as I can until a suitable remake (not a rehash of the same damn concept of a great game) comes out.  Which is why I practically fell head over heals for Marvel vs. Capcom 2 on XBOX live arcade and the Playstation Network and MegaMan 9 for the Wii Virtual Console (ok, maybe that's a rehash, but it's the exception).  I play other games on occasion only in between breaks of an epic adventure.  This is also in between work, blogging, family time, and song writing.  So, yeah, it's a pretty full plate, but I make time for gaming and that's what sets me into the degree of gamer that I am.
 
 
BootLeG sampler.. signing out...

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

I Am Gamer, part II (The Hardcore Gamer)

So as I continue to explore the rather expansive pallet of gamers that are playing, I came across these articles about this dude from Taiwan practically beating WoW.  Pretty much the icing on the cake for what I'm blogging about for this feature of I Am Gamer.  I'm talking about those that are so into games that it practically engulfs their lives.  Not that there's anything wrong with that but you just have to say 'Damn, that's hardcore.'
 
And of course there's plenty of those out there, I mean those that are serious about gaming could only wish for that kind of determination.  Not to say that's a bad thing, hell I personally wish I had more time to play, but there are those hardcore gamers that are just so epically into all thing of such to practically be a jedi master about it.  The key to being a hardcore gamer would probably be how intense and active you are to one or a few games.  We all probably know of the type of games or at least the individual game titles that hardcore gamers play.  From a broad range of first person shooters such as the Call of Duty and Gears of War series, to sandbox games such as Assassins Creed and the Grand Theft Auto series, to MMORPGs such as World of Warcraft and Everquest.  (Yes, I still have friends that play Evercrack).  The ideal hardcore gamer is to master one or two great videogame titles at a time before moving onto a different game or set of games.  Of course like I said from my previous post, there's no set rule to that.  It depends on the degree of the gamer themselves.
 
There's multiple types of hardcore gamers, and they can be and combination of but not limited to the following::  (and these are my own interpretations, nothing real scientific, unless having a masters in smartassology is real).
 
  • The Nerd :: This guy does nothing but play games and try to become the master of that game.  Usually talking smack online to other players if playing something like Gears or organizing guilds for WoW.  Pretty much any and all social interaction with any form of carbon based life is via the internet, school, or their job.  This is the classic general example of a hardcore gamer.
  • The Convention-goers :: This is maximum extreme of a hardcore gamer.  These are the guys that goes the fan-based gaming conventions such as BizzCon, E for All, and others.  These dedicated lackeys show up in avant garde with drooling smiles on the next best thing; everything from the next next-gen console to an overpriced piece of shit expansion pack.  Some even go as far as cosplaying and making more of an ass of themselves than normal.  The only exception to this is that you have to be at least this hot to not make an ass of yourself.
  • The Brute :: This is the minimal extreme of a hardcore gamer.  These are the guys more playing the FPS and sandbox games, while trying to create an auspice of being cool and socially adept.  Typically they can be real douchebags when it comes to games where being cheap and waiting for a target to show up and snipe it down like a 12-point buck, or just some jackoff that just want to give you hell and a potty mouth of smack over XBox Live.
  • The Collins College graduate that plays games for a living :: I personally call this guy the jack-hole cause their living the dream.  Fuck you, fuck you so very very much.
And like I said from before, there's intermediate levels of gamerness within those categories. Of course like I said it's not an exact science, but it's one helluva platform to start off on.  Especially if you truly think about it, every gamer can fit into such categories from time to time, bouncing back and forth.  But when it comes down to the nitty-gritty, these are what hardcore gamers are made of.

So that's my quick synopsis on the hardcore gamer.  Swift, dirty, and straight to the point.  Like most gamers want their gaming experience every chance they get to play.  Next time, I look at the various degrees of casual gamer..  But until then...



BootLeG sampler.. signing out...

Saturday, November 28, 2009

I Am Gamer

So I was browsing the inna-webs and I came across this article. And I was thinking, man, it can't be that generic and clear cut. The gaming republic isn't just set to two or three different classes. There's different degrees of separation on what kind of gamer anyone can be. Now I know most gamers try to be as epic of a gamer they can be sticking to a slew of hot titles and not becoming more of a renaissance gamer being more eclectic and exposing themselves to a wide variety of genres and games. Hence why I love Screwattack so much because it's for all types gamers.

Just to clarify, I am a gamer. What kind of gamer I might be, or anyone for that matter, well, that's a whole 'nother can of beans. I mean there's the serious hardcore gamer, the casual gamer, the non gamer, the WTF kind, the crap in your pants cause you can't hold it anymore cause you wanted to be the first in line for 3 days for the next new console release at Best Buy kind, the list goes on and on. My point is there's a friggin gagglefuck of gamers out there and different types to boot. Just to label them into three or so different categories is not doing the gaming community any justice. This has been a debate for quite some time and I can't stand to see why there's such a brick wall between those that label and those that are labeled; especially when they are of one of the same people.

So I came up with the liberty of creating a general gauge on the archetype of a gamer. I think that it's quite introduction to what a gamer is and also how gamers interact within different game genres. It's just a quick synopsis of what goes on with a generalized genre. And of course, it's also funny as hell. I mean c'mon, it's from graphjam, what do you expect.

I mean sure, I could possibly make a series out of this, and go real in depth. In fact, I'm definitely gonna make that happen. So consider this the prologue of the different gamer personalities. A little bit of insight, a lot of poking fun of, and definitely me making a complete jackass of myself. That shouldn't be too hard, right?!? (Especially the third one...) So I hope you'll enjoy this as many more (at least 4 more) will come to on this topic. So, have fun; happy gaming; and please, it's mostly satire here, don't get bent outta shape.


BootLeG sampler.. signing off...