Death to Radio Disney (and others like it)

Just a heads up for those whom stumble upon this...

I started writing this post a little over a year or so ago (around September of '09) due to all of the bubblegum pop crap I was cursed to hear while babysitting a friend of mine's daughter. (Wow, September of '09, that was a long time passed.) She was an excellent play date companion for my two older boys, but since the kid moved on and my angst for aural injustice was quenched. But I started to think how come I never posted it until now. I still dislike it (the music not the kid.) And in fact since I began writing the bulk of the post; I've seem to have found more offenders to add on. I'll try not to amend most of my feelings but I do want to add on to my argument to us parents (yes, believe it or not as immature as I act, I do have parental duties to my boys) we shouldn't be dumbed down to subject ourselves to this. We should demand respect back to our ears and put on something more structured; like the sound of a live lobster squealing as you drop it into a vat of boiling water. Hell, that sounds a whole lot better that the stuff I'm going to report on. (Which reminds me, why did I put myself through all this torture?!?)

One more thing, I tried not to edit my original thoughts on this too much to keep to my emotions which I still stand on in this matter the same as when I first scripted it.

I like music, 'nuff said. Actually let me rephrase to say that I like GOOD MUSIC. The kind of stuff that either moves you to be with your girl (or guy depending on your preference), start a riot, or just vent over the BS that is well, anything. Music has to be in my opinion raw and to the grit of the subject matter that it's trying to impose. But there's some that fall so far from that bar that it's nowhere to be found. That music in my opinion is the bubblegum-pop tripe that is outfitted by Radio Disney and all other imitators of the sort. (More on the imitators later.)

Why do I hate on Radio Disney, why the hell not. It's crap. It's crap beyond crap. It's the type of crap that if dog crap was able to walk, that it would be the crap that dog crap would step on by accident. Oh yes, that bad; and it's not to say that I'm closed minded. I like all kinds of music from rock to country to rap (especially old school rap) to oldies to classical to even some bluegrass. But the vile act of ear rape that is Radio Disney is beyond help. It's that bad, and I would stand for it. I despise Radio Disney and it's clones with the fiery passion of a thousand George Foreman grills. It should be banished from all existence, and here are some reasons why.

I like to draw your attention to public radio menace number 1: Miley Cyrus. This, has to be the worst solo offender of aural carnage since Roseanne sang the National Anthem back in the 90's. This death siren which is the offspring of country star of the late 80's/early 90's Billy Ray Cyrus leads us to the belief that talent really does skip a generation. It's bland Mickey Mouse (no pun intended) messages of the trials of being a tween and being hip to the standards of a John Hughes movie of what cool kids are presented in an ear splitting yelp that we can only wish that dogs could hear. I rather put a Skil Saw to my inner ear than listen to the crap that is being sung by what could possibly be the fourth Chippette from Alvin and the Chipmunks.

Public radio menace number 2: The Jonas Brothers. They say that celebrity deaths always come in threes. Apparently this trio killed all of our perceptions of what good music and celebrity stardom can provide. It's like if they dressed a bunch of whiny little tarts in oxford dress shirts and pleated khakis, gave them a couple of Les Pauls and told them to pretend to play while the producer dubbed over their PA system with people that can actually play their instruments. Essentially it's this generations Milli Vanilli but crappier. And trust me, I tried to find something nice to say about them, but there's nothing and I mean nothing but pure unadulterated lame that is emitted from these prepubescent dorks.

Pubilc radio menace number 3: ANYTHING FROM THE KIDZ BOP KIDS!!! What in the record producers right mind would think that this was a good idea. Don't they know that just because they can attempt to sing already ear-splitting pop songs in an even more annoying vocal concession is just like putting the Chipmunks balls (if they had any) into a blender on frappe. And I know that this is the second Chipmunk reference in this post but they were the kids crap of the eighties and this is the kids crap of this decade. (Heck, while we're at it, outside of The Christmas Song from the 60's, we'll throw in the original old school Chipmunks as well.) Why must we suffer from this form of inhumane cruelty by having our kids blast this from their Hello Kitty boomboxes in their room and tyrade in what they call dancing is beyond my realm of understanding. Why is this being put up with, who the hell knows. But I know that I'm done with that.

And this is just the top three offenders. I haven't even cashed into the High School Musical songs or Kelly Clarkson music or any of that crap. I tread not to because I would like to keep my sanity after writing this post. And that's just Disney I'm talking about here. Hell, Nickelodeon is doing this now too since I started writing this post and forgotten about it about a year back. They have Miranda Cosgrove (who doesn't really sound that bad but it's the content matter that counts on this one), Big Time Rush (their N'Sync's to Disney's Jonas Bros. being their Backstreet Boys), and any other child actor they have in their arsenal that could remotely carry a melodic tune if I so dare would call it that. This is just the peak of the iceberg of buffalo dung that is Radio Disney (and others like it), and I want out. It's mind-numbing, brain-draining, sub par manufactured crap that is being forced fed to our youth because we use it as a babysitter instead of teaching them some good music, or hell, even spending time with our kids. Now there's a novel concept. Doubt that's gonna happen to our youth anytime soon, but hey, it's just a thought...

BootLeG sampler.. signing out...

p.s. If you didn't realize it by now, my afterthoughts were written in this font style outside of the couple of sentences about Nickelodeon's bandwagon of a fail they could (and would) call vocalists. I kept those as is because that was indeed a continuation of my original thought.

The stuff that kids are watching

I don't want to come out as being an old fart; but I just don't know what kind of weird crap that they're passing off as programming that's intended for children. It's lame, senseless, sissified, lacking of humor, and all around crap-tacular in nature. I can't for the life of me figure out how we had gone from a generation in which had produced He-Man, Transformers, Thundercats, G.I. friggin Joe, and The Super Mario Bros. Super Show; into the state of annoyance and stupefied characters of today. And yes; I know of all the gay undertones proclaimed in He-Man, but we all watched it anyways so don't go trying to BS around that one. I mean these cartoons don't even try to make any sense at all. It's as if the animators and producers smoked a pound of hash each, decided to spew out random crap, and sell it to your friendly neighborhood children's network. Seriously, this stuff is some of the most bizarre crap that I have ever had my eyes and ears on.

I honestly don't know where to start, so I'm just gonna blame the entire friggin' network here; Cartoon Network. With shows (if you want to call them that) like Boingy Mc Boing Boing; My Gym Partner's a Monkey; and Ben 10 (just to name a few); you wonder what the hell is keeping them afloat and becoming a profitable cable network. Seriously, these shows are lame. It looks like a bunch of random sequences spun out together to make some sort of a script for the animators (which are probably chained to their desks for fear of them escaping) to draw out. The only thing close (and I'm really stretching this out here) to a half decent show is The Grimm Adventures of Billy and Mandy. It's like Ren & Stimpy and the Crypt Keeper had a lovechild and out came this pile. It tries to be in my opinion 'kiddie-noir' with the slapstick humor that made Ren & Stimpy infamous. It's a near-failure at best, but as for the other shows on this network; there is no excuse to why they're still on. I remember when Cartoon Network actually rivaled their other two competitive networks; Nickelodeon and Disney Channel; with somewhat decent shows like Johnny Bravo, Dexter's Laboratory, and Powerpuff Girls. These were in their right their classics and they can only be found in their classic subsidiary channel Boomerang with a bunch of old Hanna Barbera classic cartoons as well. I think that it's Cartoon Networks' version of how their great shows of the past dies off they ship them off to sea just like the vikings did to their old dying warriors and let them go to their Valhalla with the greatness of The Flintstones, The Jetsons, and Scooby Doo. Cartoon Network; because change is not for the good.

Another network that was notorious for such acts, but took it to a different medium of crap-tastic is The Disney Channel. At one point, they had quality programming with their cartoons with their syndicated cartoons that they decided to put on regular rotation at the time such as Duck Tales, Gargoyles, and Goof Troop. Disney had some quality stuff, but then sometime during this generation of kids time, the quality of Disney programming went from simplicity and slapstick to bratty and stupid. That probably stems from them trying to introduce live action shows that truly sucked such as Lizzy McGuire (in my opinion the start of its downward spiral), Even Stevens, and The Suite Life of Zack and Cody. It made me felt like my brain was turned into pudding and Bill Cosby himself was pimping it out to be sold with the rest of the Jell-O lineup. And don't even get me started with their cartoons; actually, you really can't. I don't even think that Disney even produce any new cartoons outside of Phineas and Ferb, and that's is just as dull and bland as all the other crap that the house that Walt built had excreted out. Disney: because if you want quality, you have to pay an arm and a leg in their theme parks to find it; cause it ain't on television that's for sure.



And now we finally meet up with the children's programming juggernaut that is, Nickelodeon. Let me go and say that when I was a kid, I loved Nickelodeon; it was awesome. So many great original shows came from there that it became a cartoon's Mecca of greatness. If you made it to Nickelodeon's rotation you were practically set for life. I mean there was Ren and Stimpy like I mentioned from before. Rugrats which was their longest running cartoon series spanning past 10 years and producing a spin-off. Doug which was picked up by Disney after it's original series ended (and then it bombed there sparing Nick from any embarrassment.) And that's just the cartoons. There live action series of shows were pretty decent as well, with shows like Clarissa Explains It All, Double Dare, and Solute Your Shorts. But my favorite of them has to be The Adventures of Pete and Pete; originally starting off as a series of 2 minute shorts then expanded to a 30 minute series of awesomeness. But those days has passed us my friends...



Nowadays, Nickelodeon has succumb to the dumbing down of quality of most of their cartoon lineup and their live shows are more for a teeny-bopper version of a soap opera than anything else. With the exception of 'Avatar: The Last Air Bender', all of their cartoons have seem to make about as much sense as a bipolar eight year old with A.D.D. on the ultimate of sugar-highs. And the comedown effect is what they use for their sitcoms. I mean who can make any sense out of a sexually confused sponge or a socially awkward boy with fairy godparents that can do anything he wants, but have to keep it PG. And that's their flagship cartoons is what I'm describing, don't even let me talk about my their non-cartoons. Their only good show was 'Drake and Josh' and they let the main stars go to pursue their careers elsewhere. So that leaves them with not-so-memorable shows and Zoey 101; a teen drama about a co-ed boarding school that eventually got cancelled because the lead actress got knocked up at 16 (also doesn't help that her sister was Britney Spears, you do the math on how much logic that family has.) I'm disappointed at Nickelodeon. It loss its luster to appeal to kids as kids instead of making it look as if they went and vomited all over their product placed their orange feces stamp over it and called it a day.



I ask again to everyone. What has happened to cartoons nowadays. And I'm just at the tip of the iceberg only naming cartoons from the top three kid networks. I haven't dived into comparing PBS shows from before and after or from any other media outlets, and there's a lot to choose from as well. But I felt that I ranted long enough and chewed your ear off more so than a Mike Tyson fight. So I'll be scouring my local DVD outlets for box sets of the classics. The good old cartoons of my youth that I've grown to love. And hope for a resurgence of those to comeback to today's new generation of kids to show how cartoons really kicked ass.



BootLeG sampler.. signing out...