Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Death to Radio Disney (and others like it)

Just a heads up for those whom stumble upon this...

I started writing this post a little over a year or so ago (around September of '09) due to all of the bubblegum pop crap I was cursed to hear while babysitting a friend of mine's daughter. (Wow, September of '09, that was a long time passed.) She was an excellent play date companion for my two older boys, but since the kid moved on and my angst for aural injustice was quenched. But I started to think how come I never posted it until now. I still dislike it (the music not the kid.) And in fact since I began writing the bulk of the post; I've seem to have found more offenders to add on. I'll try not to amend most of my feelings but I do want to add on to my argument to us parents (yes, believe it or not as immature as I act, I do have parental duties to my boys) we shouldn't be dumbed down to subject ourselves to this. We should demand respect back to our ears and put on something more structured; like the sound of a live lobster squealing as you drop it into a vat of boiling water. Hell, that sounds a whole lot better that the stuff I'm going to report on. (Which reminds me, why did I put myself through all this torture?!?)

One more thing, I tried not to edit my original thoughts on this too much to keep to my emotions which I still stand on in this matter the same as when I first scripted it.

I like music, 'nuff said. Actually let me rephrase to say that I like GOOD MUSIC. The kind of stuff that either moves you to be with your girl (or guy depending on your preference), start a riot, or just vent over the BS that is well, anything. Music has to be in my opinion raw and to the grit of the subject matter that it's trying to impose. But there's some that fall so far from that bar that it's nowhere to be found. That music in my opinion is the bubblegum-pop tripe that is outfitted by Radio Disney and all other imitators of the sort. (More on the imitators later.)

Why do I hate on Radio Disney, why the hell not. It's crap. It's crap beyond crap. It's the type of crap that if dog crap was able to walk, that it would be the crap that dog crap would step on by accident. Oh yes, that bad; and it's not to say that I'm closed minded. I like all kinds of music from rock to country to rap (especially old school rap) to oldies to classical to even some bluegrass. But the vile act of ear rape that is Radio Disney is beyond help. It's that bad, and I would stand for it. I despise Radio Disney and it's clones with the fiery passion of a thousand George Foreman grills. It should be banished from all existence, and here are some reasons why.

I like to draw your attention to public radio menace number 1: Miley Cyrus. This, has to be the worst solo offender of aural carnage since Roseanne sang the National Anthem back in the 90's. This death siren which is the offspring of country star of the late 80's/early 90's Billy Ray Cyrus leads us to the belief that talent really does skip a generation. It's bland Mickey Mouse (no pun intended) messages of the trials of being a tween and being hip to the standards of a John Hughes movie of what cool kids are presented in an ear splitting yelp that we can only wish that dogs could hear. I rather put a Skil Saw to my inner ear than listen to the crap that is being sung by what could possibly be the fourth Chippette from Alvin and the Chipmunks.

Public radio menace number 2: The Jonas Brothers. They say that celebrity deaths always come in threes. Apparently this trio killed all of our perceptions of what good music and celebrity stardom can provide. It's like if they dressed a bunch of whiny little tarts in oxford dress shirts and pleated khakis, gave them a couple of Les Pauls and told them to pretend to play while the producer dubbed over their PA system with people that can actually play their instruments. Essentially it's this generations Milli Vanilli but crappier. And trust me, I tried to find something nice to say about them, but there's nothing and I mean nothing but pure unadulterated lame that is emitted from these prepubescent dorks.

Pubilc radio menace number 3: ANYTHING FROM THE KIDZ BOP KIDS!!! What in the record producers right mind would think that this was a good idea. Don't they know that just because they can attempt to sing already ear-splitting pop songs in an even more annoying vocal concession is just like putting the Chipmunks balls (if they had any) into a blender on frappe. And I know that this is the second Chipmunk reference in this post but they were the kids crap of the eighties and this is the kids crap of this decade. (Heck, while we're at it, outside of The Christmas Song from the 60's, we'll throw in the original old school Chipmunks as well.) Why must we suffer from this form of inhumane cruelty by having our kids blast this from their Hello Kitty boomboxes in their room and tyrade in what they call dancing is beyond my realm of understanding. Why is this being put up with, who the hell knows. But I know that I'm done with that.

And this is just the top three offenders. I haven't even cashed into the High School Musical songs or Kelly Clarkson music or any of that crap. I tread not to because I would like to keep my sanity after writing this post. And that's just Disney I'm talking about here. Hell, Nickelodeon is doing this now too since I started writing this post and forgotten about it about a year back. They have Miranda Cosgrove (who doesn't really sound that bad but it's the content matter that counts on this one), Big Time Rush (their N'Sync's to Disney's Jonas Bros. being their Backstreet Boys), and any other child actor they have in their arsenal that could remotely carry a melodic tune if I so dare would call it that. This is just the peak of the iceberg of buffalo dung that is Radio Disney (and others like it), and I want out. It's mind-numbing, brain-draining, sub par manufactured crap that is being forced fed to our youth because we use it as a babysitter instead of teaching them some good music, or hell, even spending time with our kids. Now there's a novel concept. Doubt that's gonna happen to our youth anytime soon, but hey, it's just a thought...

BootLeG sampler.. signing out...

p.s. If you didn't realize it by now, my afterthoughts were written in this font style outside of the couple of sentences about Nickelodeon's bandwagon of a fail they could (and would) call vocalists. I kept those as is because that was indeed a continuation of my original thought.

No comments:

Post a Comment